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Nov 8, 2017 in Informative
Nowadays, people more and more need qualified psychological help, especially couples that have been living together for more than ten years. However, it often happens that one from a couple is afraid to visit a therapist or a counselor, they fear to confess that there is a problem that should be solved. Therefore, such problems remain unsolved and may lead to a divorce. This paper is aimed to write a theoretical scenario of the couple that has problems, which lead to a divorce. The therapist will try to help them to understand their relationship and theirselves; besides, the paper will contain several practical advices. The main aim of the paper is not to show how different relationships may be or how far it may go, however the main point is to show that every problem has a solution and if a couple visits a therapist or a counselor. Moreover, partners may overcome their problem and live a long and happy life. In the United States of America, according to the statistics, most of couples divorce after less than ten years of living together. If they address to a therapist and explain their problems, these divorces could be avoided.
The object of this research is a couple that live together for eight years and their problem is that they do not have children. However, this is not their one problem. Furthermore, they have different lifestyles (he is a vegetarian and she likes to cook something tasty but unhealthy), besides, he is older than she is for ten years. The husband thinks that his wife is to blame that they do not have children because she eats unhealthy food and her organism is weak and ill. She, instead, regards that the problem is with him because he is too old to have children. Fist, a wife called the counselor to have an appointment, insuring him that her husband will also come. However, on the first meeting, the husband did not come; soon the counselor understood that it was because he feared to realize that his age might be a problem. When the date and time for the first meeting was arranged, the counselor acknowledged Jane (that was the name of the wife) with the rules of confidence. Every counselor should follow certain rules of confidence because they guarantee that a customer’s story will be kept in secret, and nobody will know about what was told and what a counselor was discussing with a customer. After the first meeting with Jane and her husband, it was easy to make a family portrait; however, it is more effective to understand each partner as a personality. Jane is twenty-six years old, and she works as a teacher in junior school. She does not earn much, but she loves her work, she likes to spend all her time with children playing and teaching them something new about the world around them. Her husband, Marshal is a leading architect in one of the most successful companies in their city. He also likes what he is doing for living, however, he thinks that first he needs to earn money and then have children. On the other hand, Marshal understands that some day it may be too late for children. From the first sight, they are not a couple because they tend to argue often, even when visiting a counselor. On the other hand, they are trying to protect their love from the others, from the outer world. The first suggestion was that they do not need to have children because they still cannot get enough of each other and there is a lot they may give each other. When talking to them the counselor’s point of view has changed.
The first question the counselor asked both Jane and Marshal were “what are you doing here? What both of you want to achieve after this course?” The answers differed. Jane said that she wants her husband to understand her since she is old enough to have children. He is busy all the time and even when he is home, he is very tired to spend his time together with her. This showed that Jane was selfish and that she needs a child only not to feel alone. Although Jane states that she is old enough to have children that she is ready, that is not true. Jane feels lonely because her husband spends much time at work and he is not eager to spend all his free time with his wife. Besides, Jane needs a child to take care of someone, and perhaps make her husband stay only with his family and not with friends or at work.
Marshal seemed to be indifferent, but when he heard his wife’s answer, he became very angry. He stated that he spends so less time with his wife because she always makes him eat unhealthy food or go to a restaurant where they are served dead animals and eat mean soaked with pain. He does not want to have children because he thinks that he has not self-realized yet in this life. First, he should start his own business and then have children. To his opinion, children will not be happy if their father is not successful. Such attitude shows that Marshal had some problems in his childhood, when he lacked something. In the future, he is striving to give his children everything they want because he does not want their childhood be as poor as his was. Such fears may lead to the situation that Marshal will never agree to become a father because he will always consider his wages too small to have a normal family.
After a short analysis, it was clear that the main problem of this couple is not the fact that one partner wants to have children and another one is not willing to have them; however, their problems go much deeper. The couple has visited the counselor for ten times, and in the end, they have decided that it is too early to have children. It does not mean that Marshal was right; it means that they may overcome all the problems because their feelings are pure and unspoiled.
This story shows that one problem may be very deep and without any professional help, it may be difficult to solve it. Couples that live together for some period think that they know everything about each other; however, it usually happens that they are wrong. It happens in the life of every person that he or she needs professional psychological help, especially considering issues of relationships and communicating with others. Besides, couples should always come together to a counselor or a therapist because it helps them to understand each other better and become not so selfish. With a professional help, a couple may overcome every problem. That is why it is important to visit a psychologist before going to local authorities to divorce. To my mind, if every couple that has problems that may cause a divorce visits a counselor or a therapist, the amount of divorces will decrease; which will influence fewer children will have to choose with whom of parents to stay.